Recently, I met some young people
who were keen to understand how
they can know for sure when a guy
is serious about them and whether
he is husband material. Interestingly,
this is a question that pops up more
often.
You may be in a relationship and
wondering whether he is serious or
simply taking you for a ride. The
truth is that many guys I have met
are very clear about what they are
looking for in a relationship; it could be
just for "bed and breakfast", period!
Or, for a relationship intended for
marriage.
The question is, which one are you
in? Many young girls prefer to
remain blind and in denial about the
reality of a relationship headed
nowhere; sometimes simply to
massage their egos; that someone is
attracted to them, even when they
are certain that the relationship is
headed nowhere!
It is most important that your
friends and family approve of the
relationship. While this may seem
inconsequential, marriage is not a
relationship that is only for a couple,
but in our cultural set up, it is
community based, so it's important
that significant others are involved.
Many individuals with challenged
relationships admit that their parents
and friends did not approve of the
relationship from the word 'go', but
they chose to proceed with it and
disregard their advice. If most people
who know you well raise concerns,
surely apply some wisdom and re-
examine the relationship. It is
unreasonable to think that everyone
is wrong, judgmental, jealous and
unreasonable except yourself.
Remember the saying, "Love is Blind".
He is not overly jealous
A guy that you are dating and is
husband material should be secure in
the knowledge that others will also
find you attractive, and that you too
did not suddenly become blind to the
attractiveness of others, just
because you're in a relationship. He
ought to trust you and feel secure in
the relationship. Yes you enjoy his
company but you do not need to be
with him all the time, this does not
mean that you are up to any
mischief, nor should it affect the
relationship drastically.
Is he keen to listen to you?
Attentive listening is important in any
relationship and one should be clear to
acknowledge whether or not he
listens attentively to you. This is one
way he shows genuine concern for
you, by taking a keen interest in
what you do at work, home, for
leisure and with other significant
relationships. If he is attentive, he will
become sensitive to you and your
environment. He will care about your
desires and needs and this will show
his level of commitment and
sensitivity.
What are his values and beliefs?
Compatible values and beliefs are
crucial if the relationship is to
succeed; this is crucial and cannot be
ignored. What is his character, is he
dependable, loyal, trustworthy,
considerate, and compassionate.
Character is who he is when no one
is looking; it helps to see how he
relates with others. Men of high
character bring out the best in you.
Will he attend family events with
you?
Family is important and if he accepts
to join you for a family function then
it is a sign of some commitment to
the relationship. If he invites you to
his family gathering the question I
would pose is, does he introduce you
to any of the family members as his
girlfriend?
If not, he is not yet sure and there
is no point in pushing it, it may mean
that he needs more time. I have met
many young girls who think that
simply because they attended a
family function, it's nailed. Oh not at
all beloved; It is a great way to have
you fooled.
Does he involve you in his future
plans?
When he talks about the future, do
you feature anywhere, does he talk
with you about his plans, dreams and
aspirations; does he discuss having a
family someday?
When you are sensitive to the small
things it will become clear whether or
not the man you are dating is
husband material or not. Share your
views, more details on this next
week.
